Why PBR is the worst beer ever

PBR...egh. The three letters in the English alphabet that strike horror in the hearts of all. There are a lot of bad beers out there: Busch Light, "Natty" Light, Bud Light, Ice House, Fat Tire. But the beer that climbs to the bottom and craps all over the trophy of worst beer ever is P...B...R. But why PBR? Because, not only is PBR a truly horrid product made from the cheapest nastiest ingredients, it also has become the official beer of hipsters. Double Whammy! Leave it to hipsters to adopt a simultaneously sickening sweet and vomit inducing swill as their drink du jour. Of course, what can be expected of guys who wear skinny jeans, rock 70s style molestaches, and ride all over town on rusty single-speed bicycles? Look, far be it from me to tell someone what to drink, but the hipsters (through their ability to miraculously swig PBR night after night without being admitted to the poison control center) have spurred the proliferation of PBR to new lows. Reputable bars are actually serving this crap next to six dollar a glass micro-brews! Grocery stores have moved the PBR to the beer aisle and away from its rightful place on the bottom shelf next to the damaged boxes of discount laundry detergent! Still not convinced that PBR is the new Plague? Ask yourself this my friend; have you ever wondered what the initials PBR actually stand for? Puke, Barf, Ralph. Coincidence, or a highly covert disclaimer woven into the name of a product that should have gone the way of the dodo bird many years ago? It's time to take back our streets! It's time to tell PBR that it can no longer hide behind the proud colors of the American flag! Stand up for freedom loving, man-jeans wearing, multi-gear bike riding, anti-porno star-face-lettuce-rocking men that don't back down from a beer that's actually darker in color than a hipsters urine after a night of prepping for the next May Day celebration. The next time you find yourself in the beer aisle, leave the PBR for the commies and pick a beer that won't compromise your dignity...and knock over the stack of PBR 12 packs while you're at it...trust me, no one with a job will care.